Bridging The Gap

To prevent the further theft of dispenser keys the company takes a cue from the banking industry.

Joan : Mid-thirties, upper middle class suburban housewife, slightly plump, vapid; dressed in skirt, flats, casual blouse

Mike : Mid-thirties, middle management type, tall and thin, arrogant; dressed in jeans, sneakers, polo

Woody the Owl : Male, tall, overweight, rude, easily pissed off ; dressed in green Robin Hood felt hat with large red feather, round, oversized yellow foam glasses, brown shirt, green shorts, black belt with large yellow buckle, yellow tights

Setting : Parking lot of a chain grocery store

Time : Late Saturday morning

Camera pans over the parking lot…cars pulling in and out of spaces, families and individuals going in and out of the store. Upbeat, bouncy music. Camera slowly focuses on one couple as they wheel their cart full of plastic grocery bags towards their SUV. The man opens the back hatch and the couple begins to unload their cart. Music fades as the woman grabs the last two bags and the man wheels the cart past the back of the car to an empty parking spot on the right, obviously preparing to leave it there.

JOAN: (confused) Mike? Aren’t you going to put that in the corral? (She places the last two bags into the car and glances around to look at him.)

MIKE: (annoyed) You kidding? I’m not walking all the way over there! (He gives the cart a kick and snorts.)

Camera pans out to show the cart corral less than 20 feet from the car.

JOAN: (more confused) But sweetheart, don’t we need to return all carts to the cart corral to help keep store prices down? After all, the store is not responsible for damages caused by carts left in the parking lot. (She faces the camera, blinks, then turns her head to the side and smiles vacantly.)

MIKE : (arrogantly) For chrissakes Joan, that’s nothing but big business propaganda. If I don’t want to put my goddamn cart in the goddamn corral I’m not going to! Now get your ass in the frickin’ car! (He moves past her, slams the back hatch, and moves around to the driver’s side.)

During Mike’s speech the camera pulls out to include the car parked to their left, a more environmentally conscious model than the couple’s SUV. At the rear of the vehicle is Woody the Owl, unloading his own groceries in reusable bags.

WOODY : (calling out, slightly irritated) Hey, excuse me! You aren’t really gonna leave that there, are you?

MIKE : (turning around, surprised) What?

WOODY : (bridging the distance between the two cars) The cart. (He makes repeated, exaggerated motions of pushing a shopping cart.) Pleeeeeease tell me you weren’t just gonna leave it there. (His face begins to darken, a scowl starting to form.)

MIKE : (getting defensive) And if I was? What the hell do you care?

WOODY : (hikes up his shorts) What the hell do I care? Listen you scumbag, no good, candy ass, mama’s boy….I can’t even begin to count the number of parking spots lost to the world because of lazy ass mother fuckers like you! It ends here! (Grabs Mike by the front of his shirt and knees him in the groin. Mike doubles over and a good clean ass beating ensues. Joan stands by, horrified, doing nothing.)

Full length shot of Woody the Owl, standing in front of the couple’s SUV

WOODY : (gruffly) And remember kids, as Woody the Owl always says, ‘Give a damn…don’t be a fucking moron.’ (Mike groans and raises his head into the shot. Woody punches him in the face and Mike falls down out of sight.)

WOODY : (looking down at Mike) Hoot hoot you jackass.

Fade to black.